![]() ![]() I actually became really close friends with those people and, believe it or not, even ended up dating that guy I had a crush on. They had even gotten me fresh plate of food that had’t been defiled by chocolate nose milk. Some kind soul had wiped the table clean of the contents of my sinus passages. Although I very much wanted to once I realized I actually had to go back to the table to get my purse before I could slink back to my dorm.Īnd guess what? No one said a word. Why would a person tell a story like this in a public forum? Because, surprise twist ending, I did not die. ![]() I jumped up from the table and ran to the bathroom so I could at least die in peace. I started coughing so hard that I couldn’t breathe.Įven as darkness crept upon the edges of my vision, I became aware that every one of the 1,000 people in the cafeteria were staring at the red-faced Freshman hacking up her lungs and projecting chocolate milk out of her every facial orifice. Which made me start choking on the remaining milk that hadn’t managed the journey through my sinuses. I was so shocked that something that horrifying could actually happen, that I gasped. Milk that had traveled through my sinuses landed on these people’s FOOD. I had sprayed milk out of my nose all over the table. I didn’t know that was actually possible, but there it was. I was sitting next to the guy I had a huge crush on and he made me laugh so hard that chocolate milk literally shot out of my nose. My first semester in college, I got invited to grab midnight breakfast with a group of upperclassman I had recently met. Maybe you think I’m exaggerating, so let me tell you a little story so you know that I know what I’m talking about here. There are so many embarrassing moments to choose from, I honestly don’t even know where to start. Over the years, I’ve embarrassed myself on such a regular basis, that I’m pretty sure I’ve lost the ability to feel shame. Hi, my name is Diane and I’m an awkward human. ![]()
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